“Dates of the Damned”

Films: Jennifer's Body (2009)

Alias: None

Type: Mystical

Location: Civilized Area

Height/Weight: That of an average human.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Megan Fox is perhaps one of the most disproportionally hated actresses of the 2000s. Ever since Michael Bay ever started hiring her, she's been treated as little more than a bimbo existing for male gaze. This is of course completely untrue, and all Hollywood did was force her to work with that creep and also repress her own bisexuality (Hollywood sadly does that a lot). But if the idiots of the web think she's some kind of demonically seductive bisexual deserving of villainy...well they got their wish in a way in 2009, but to her benefit alone...

History: Jennifer Check is the most popular girl in the high school of Devil's Kettle, Minnesota (ha!). A cheerleader with a thing for really getting around, most of the student body hate her for how shallow she is, yet at the same time she has a friend in the form of not-quite-as-attractive Anita "Needy" Lesnicki. Then one day, something far worse than a vapid bimbo showed up. A Satanic indie band known as "Low Shoulder", led by the psychotic Nikolai Wolf. After he started a fire that killed scores of students, he chose Jennifer as a virgin sacrifice...only to realize too late that Jennifer wasn't a virgin (idiot...), therefore the girl survived the stabbing. But at the same time, the ritual resulted in her getting possessed by a demon. Now, she can only eat human flesh, and with glee, she decides to prey on men.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: Eventually, Needy is forced to kill Jennifer by stabbing her in the heart. This lands her in an asylum, but due to a bite from Jennifer, she becomes imbued with the demon's power. She uses it to escape and utterly massacre Low Shoulder, with Nikolai getting gutted by his own sacrificial knife.

Powers/Abilities: Immortality, levitation, growing a massive set of fanged jaws, and the ability to give powers to those who are bitten.

Weakness: The possessed cannot eat anything other than human flesh, as the rest gets turned into dark gunk. Also, a stab in the heart.

Scariness Factor: 4-Jennifer is ultimately a tragedy of a possession case. Even before turning demonic, she may have been a bitch, but at the same time, there was heavy implication that she was doing everyone to repress her unaccepted status as bisexual. Then she got brutally killed. Then she came back as an incredibly violent succubus that vomits bile upon eating anything other than people. This...this just sucks.

Trivia: -This film's marketing and horrific critical reception utterly ransacked the lives of all involved. With a marketing team that at one point wanted to advertise on a porn site and critics decrying the film as teen horror/fanservice fodder, writer Diablo Cody of "Juno" fame skipped Hollywood to get away and start a family, while Megan Fox walked away utterly disappointed with how back in the day, all the executives saw her for was eye-candy. Both ended up having to take therapy when all was said and done. Despite everything though, there is a happy ending...

-After years of stories involving women getting victim blamed and sexually assaulted, this film became lauded as an icon of feminist horror, with special praise going to Jennifer and Needy's tragic friendship (and more). Megan Fox herself says that Jennifer was her favorite role, even if she admits that she doesn't have a whole lot of good roles to choose from in her career.


Image Gallery


Years of being under Micheal Bay are going to boil over here.


Prepare for the killer hangover after that.
What's the difference between those two evils? Well...it's kinda complicated at first.


And the purpose of this was, demon?
Thankfully, that Bad Boy persona never stuck with me.



Beauty isn't forever, demon.

We don't know what's more awkard. The blood-hungry succubus or his terrible people skills.


Trailer(s)