Films: Monsturd (2003)

Alias: Jack Schmidt, the Sh*t Man

Type: Mystical

Location: Civilized Area/Cave

Height/Weight: That of an average human.

Affiliation: Neutral, leaning on Evil

Summary: A turd monster. A turd. Monster. Well, if it worked in "Dogma", then surely a film based on that tiny plot point will work better right? No. No it won't.

History: In Dutech Labs in Butte County, California (sigh, just go with it), a freak accident involving some thrown away mutagen, lots of crap, and an escaped prisoner named Jack Schmidt results in the guy melting to death...and then being reborn as a golem of feces. The world will now have to bear witness to Monsturd. And yes, it's as disgusting as it sounds.

Notable Kills: It kills people by essentially sh*tting on them. Need we say more?

Final Fate: Eventually, Monsturd is confronted, sprayed with water, and assaulted by swarms of trained flies, which proceed to eat him alive, piece by piece.

Powers/Abilities: Can shift in size to get through the pipes.

Weakness: Water and whatever has the stomach to eat crap.

Scariness Factor: 1.5-We don't care how many people get offed by this horrible thing. It's a stiff-looking pile of crud that goes around looking absolutely pathetic while somehow raking in a body count. Also, it goes out like a complete chump.

Trivia: -This film's original script title was "Number 2 Part 1". Yes...'part 1'.

-Somehow, this film took up to two years to make.