“They did the mash. The Monster Mash.”

Films: Van Helsing (2004)

Alias: Count Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, werewolves (Velkan Velerious, Van Helsing), Dracula's brides (Verona, Marishka, and Aleera), Dracula's children, the undead

Type: Man-Made (the Monster, Hyde), Mystical (the rest)

Location: Haunted home/Civilized Area/Forest

Height/Weight: Ranges from that of small dogs to that of a tank.

Affiliation: Good (the Monster, Helsing), Evil (the rest)

Summary: If you wanted to see a reunion of some of Universal's most famous monsters...then this is the best you're going to get. A film with not the greatest script and effect that haven't completely aged well. But hey, it's got lots of action, some interesting characters, Hugh Jackman as the most famous monster hunter of them all, and of course, lots of monsters.

History: Count Dracula has been the enemy of the Valerious family for centuries, mainly due to how the former has sworn to slay him so that they all don't end up in Purgatory forever. But Dracula can hardly be bothered with such heroic nonsense. He needs the secrets of Victor Frankenstein to help resurrect his children and take over the land. Of course, he killed the scientist and the Monster made from the experiments ran away, so he's a little set back, but at least one of the Valerious got turned into a werewolf under his control. Now, the only thing standing between him and world vampire domination is Van Helsing, an evil-slaying amnesiac he knew once, and who is heavily implied to be the Gabriel the Archangel himself.

Notable Kills: See Final Fate.

Final Fate: Hyde gets sent flying out of a church to his doom just as he turns back into Jekyll, Marishka is pumped full of holy water-imbued crossbow darts, Verona is caught in an explosion that sends stakes flying into her, Velkan is shot with silver bullets, Aleera is staked in the heart, and Dracula ultimately has his throat ripped out by Van Helsing, who recently got converted into a werewolf, killing all of his children and undead. However, he is cured when he pounces on the woman holding said cure. As for the Monster, he set sail for parts unknown, no longer bound to a madman's desire.

Powers/Abilities: Dracula is resistant to all vampire weaknesses, and can shapeshift into a monstrous bat-like form. His brides can do a similar thing, but are weaker. Werewolves can convert others with a bite.

Weakness: Dracula can only be killed by a werewolf. His children and brides are susceptible to that, as well as holy objects and stakes. Silver bullets are the one weakness of werewolves too. Everyone else is vulnerable to conventional means.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-Okay, so the CGI was high budget for its time, but it kind of aged like old milk. Still, you have to admit that these interpretations of classical gothic monsters are rather intense, especially the ferocious yet somewhat hammy Dracula. The Monster may be the most grotesque, but he's firmly a misunderstood good guy.

Trivia: -Actress Kate Beckinsdale may have thought the script to this film was awesome, but she still HATED the corset she was forced into. She wanted to burn the damn thing, in truth.

-The Gillman was going to appear in this film as a beast guarding the werewolf cure and a means of brutally finishing off the villainous Igor, but that never happened.


Image Gallery


Just those areas? Geez.

Now in "Hopefully-not-Ang-Lee" comic form!

This classic Universal film is a bit intense for us.


This fight put the hair on his chest!
So do they.


The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen shake their heads at this.

Oh, relax. A simple papercut on your body sent you into a frenzy anyway.

Let the "actual coolness" flow through you!


What big gains you have.

"LEEROY JENKINS GOOD!"

Can...can we really make a joke at this?
I believe what you're trying to aim at is RIGHT BEHIND YOU.


"I have three immortal wives. WOE IS ME!"

Netflix, this new design for Imp from She-Ra isn't gonna cut it!

Despite it all being the color of fire, he doesn't seem to mind.


Trailer(s)