“Ring around the burning acting center.”

Films: The Wicker Man (2006)

Alias: Various, notably Sister Summerisle

Type: Natural

Location: Civilized Area

Height/Weight: That of average humans.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Many decades ago, we saw what happens when rampant paganism goes unchecked, and why human sacrifice kind of sucks. Now we're doing it again...with Nicolas Cage in the center role. Maybe we should make this bio about him instead.

History: The story is mostly as you remember it. Summerisle is an isolated community living near the Washington coast, not the Scottish lands this time, that revels in pagan worship for the sake of bountiful honey and crops. But in recent memory, the bounty has declined considerably, and unfortunately the solution for this surprisingly matriarchal society is human sacrifice. And once again, this poses a threat for the visiting investigator looking for his daughter. Then again, his intensity might make him a bit much for the crazy locals.

Notable Kills: See Final Fate.

Final Fate: The outsider's demise is a lot more drawn out than before. After realizing he'd been tricked into being the new sacrifice, he gets his legs broken, has his head stuffed into a cage full of BEES, AAAHHHHGHGHGH!!!! And finally gets imprisoned in the titular Wicker Man, which burns to the ground, but not before the guy goes out narmfully yelling at the folks that the sacrifices just won't work. It is later shown that others are being led to the island as well...

Powers/Abilities: None.

Weakness: Anything conventional. BEAR SUIT PUNCH!

Scariness Factor: 3.5-The folks of Summerisle are as loony and festive as you remember them, and a little bit worse too. They're more determined to have sacrifices than ever before, said sacrifices have a worse time of it, and this clearly isn't just a yearly thing. How long do you think it'll take for them to realize it just isn't working?

Trivia: -Apparently, Nicolas Cage isnt particularly fond of his performance in this film. He's still wishing he knew what kind of film he was getting himself into.

-Judging by an interview, Lord Summerisle's old actor, Christopher Lee, was rather stupefied to hear that not only were they remaking the film he put much faith into back then, but that they were doing it with Nicolas "there is no scenery I won't chew" Cage.


Image Gallery


As well as overwhelming hilarity.

"HOW'D IT GET BURNED?! HOWSGOISDGJOIEJFIAAAAAH!!!?"
Prepare to have bees burned into your memory.

"Not the unintentional comedy! AAAAAAHHH!!!"
"God help my career."

Remember. Christopher Lee was more subtle.
So is total confusion.

Here, they are gathered for the burning of their resumes.


Trailer(s)