“Not a comment on its weight”

Films: Big Ass Spider! (2013)

Alias: None

Type: Mutant

Location: Civilized Area

Height/Weight: Up to that of a small building.

Affiliation: Neutral

Summary: Sometimes, the films that look the most obnoxious or the ones that look the most self-aware (they're quite interchangeable at times) are the ones that just tell you what to expect in pure hyperbole. What else do you ask from a film that calls its central antagonist a big-ass spider, anyhow? Perhaps a bigger budget, better actors, some more effort here and there, etc.

History: After recovering alien DNA, the scientists failed to notice a spider's web in one of the fruits they tested it on. Slowly, the spider grew and grew, already killing people when it was no bigger than a housecat. But as it grew, so too did its bloodlust and powers. Now, there's a gigantic arachnid haunting the city of L.A., and almost nothing can hope to bring it down. Also, it's breeding...

Notable Kills: Melts someone's face off before attacking them.

Final Fate: After being blasted off the U.S. Bank Tower, the spider gets back up. However, an exterminator manages to get his hands on a rocket launcher, and shoots the beast right up the abdomen, blowing it up. But while the threat here is over, there is now a giant cockroach crawling on the Statue of Liberty.

Powers/Abilities: Aside from rapid growth with no end in sight, the spider can reproduce asexually, shoot sticky webs at escaping prey, and fire acidic venom from its mouth. It is also very armored and intelligent, such as using a truck as a shield against bullets.

Weakness: Its spinneret is its one unarmored spot, though heavy artillery to the face will slow it down as well.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-This looks less like a spider and more like Shelob's edgy cousin. That's not exactly a complaint though. The demonic visage of this arthropod can put anyone off. But sadly, the terrible CGI, while it does get better as the spider grows, renders a lot of its scenes as moot points. And thus, another great design suffers from budget restrictions.

Trivia: -Originally, this film was called "Dino Spider", but the title was changed to be more marketable.

-Many of the extras in this film were just found from the director's friend list on Facebook. That said, one of the extras was Lloyd Kaufman, so who are we to judge?

Image Gallery

Also, he came with a more tasteful title.

Big things have small...no, wait, that ain't small.

Entirely normal in Sydney, Australia

"No, we are not turning my rampage into a Cloverfield rip-off!"

Guess Clover only attacked Lady Liberty to swat that damn thing.
We don't ever pay our exterminators enough.

"I believe I can fly!"

Twas the spider's own beauty that killed the beast.
Took you guys LONG ENOUGH!

He's played Hulk: Ultimate Destruction.

The coffee bender was NOT kind to it.