“Culling the Teenage Wasteland”

Films: Class of 1999 (1990)

Alias: Mr. Bryles, Mr. Hardin, and Ms. Connors

Type: Man-Made

Location: Haunted hoome

Height/Weight: That of average humans.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Who would just KILL to see some order returned to their schools? That was a hyperbolic question, by the way. We don't actually want to see any murders occur...but no one told these droids that...

History: Near the turn of the new millennium, the education system of America is in ruins. Gang wars and anarchy rule every high school, and now the government is getting desperate. Soon, the Department of Education Defense (D.E.D.) and MegaTech put their heads together to craft three robotic teachers capable of putting these teens in place. The problem is that these droids don't mess around. Any rowdy student is in for a painful humiliation at best, and a gruesome demise at worst.

Notable Kills: Hardin sees a guy do drugs, and proceeds to shove them down his mouth before smashing his head into the lockers.

Final Fate: Hardin gets his CPU blown out by a machine gun, Connors explodes upon being struck by an axe, and Bryles gets decapitated messily via forklift and chain.

Powers/Abilities: Aside from great strength for all, Bryles has a hidden missile-launching arm, Hardin has a hidden drill arm, and Connors has a hidden flamethrower arm.

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 4-No trouble-making student is safe from these knight templars of the school. Whoever designed these would be better suited to an asylum, especially considering how HIDEOUS they look when parts of their skin fall off.

Trivia: -Yes, we know there was a sequel in 1994. But aside from a couple references to this film, it had a guy who was armored, as well as just convinced he was a robot (not that he couldn't back it up).

-This film was directed by Mark L. Lester, who made it as a spiritual successor to his 1982 hit, "Class of 1984". Both are rather harsh deconstructions of the "destructive teen gangster" lifestyle.


Image Gallery


No, they will not be weaponizing math...actually, yeah. It's robotics, after all.

Turns out, robots can indeed get high.

You're a teacher! Show some dignity!

Otherwise, you get this monotone guardian.

"Data indicates that cool guys don't look at explosions."
The standardized tests caused him to malfunction.

May the army of educational metal come to pass!

How impractical is that?


"Data also indicates I am a pyromaniac."
They were doing female Terminators before it was cool.

So why bother?

From the eyes of mechanical madness.

Empty chairs at empty tables...

"Activating Ultra Instinct Protocol!"
May the future of the children be written in bullet shells.

Upgraded to handle a low salary.

Arnold has finally snapped. You know what I mean.

You're not Conan. Knock it off.

Make America Hang Again.


Trailer(s)