“Playing soldier”

Films: Small Soldiers (1998)

Alias: The Commando Elite (Major Chip Hazard, Brick Bazooka, Butch Meathook, Kip Killigan, Link Static, Nick Nitro), the Gorgonites (Archer, Freakenstein/Troglokhan, Insaniac, Ocula, Punch-It, Scratch-It, Slamfist), the Zom-Gwendies

Type: Man-Made

Location: Civilized Area/Haunted home

Height/Weight: That of average action figures.

Affiliation: Good (Gorgonites), Evil (the rest)

Summary: Toys are always nice. Heck, the concept of living toys really took off near the beginning of the 21st century thanks to a certain animation company. But for those popular franchises back from the 80s, don't you kind of wish that the cool-looking bad guys were the good guys instead of all those clean-cut humans? This film does, though reversed roles are arguably more unsettling...

History: A new line of toys, one featuring the heroic Commando Elite against the evil Gorgonites, is being rushed for the holiday season. This is mainly due to the toy company being overtaken by a company based on military hardware, the CEO wanting to put advanced AI chips into the figures to give children a whole new experience. But in doing so, the toys are given life. Even more incredible, the Gorgonites become peaceful pacifists hoping to find their god Gorgon, while the Commando Elite become crazed knight templars bent on wiping out the Gorgonites through any means necessary. This doesn't bode will for a quiet neighborhood.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: The Gorgonites eventually drop their helpless demeanors and fight against the Commando Elite and their army of evil toys. Leader Chip Hazard is shocked to death alongside his entire fleet. When all is said and done, the company vows to try to work smarter, and the Gorgonites are given a proper send-off as they set sail to find Gorgon.

Powers/Abilities: The micro-chip in each toy's brain can be used to bring any toy to life.

Weakness: Electric pulses and anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-The uncanny CGI on the toys, especially the psychotic Commando Elite, make them rather unsettling to see. The Zom-Gwendies are also particularly horrifying with all the modifications they're given. As for the Gorgonites, while some are rather obnoxious, they are actually quite endearing with how unhuman they look. Ocula in particular is so adorable with how quiet and shy he is. Just listen to him whistle!

Trivia: -Originally, director Joe Dante was going to make something a lot edgier and graphic, but the successful selling of this film's merchandise forced him to tone it down a bit. It still got a PG-13 rating, even it the tone was now rather uneven.

-Also, the Commando Elite were originally going to be voiced by the entire main cast of "Predator", with Schwarzenegger taking the role of Hazard (obviously).


Image Gallery


With Stan Winston helping you, YES. Big movie.


Remember. They're the good guys.
A most uncomfortable casting shot.

Careful. That tongue might take away from the paint job.

Something something political.
A hit and run might do the trick!

Yeah, how does that eye creature not suffer from the dust in the air?

Havoc for the whole family!

"I'm going out with the cat. Sue me."

This is somebody's fetish, I know it.


Trailer(s)