“Damn you all to Hell!”

Films: Planet of the Apes (2001)

Alias: Various, notably General Thade, Ari, Colonel Attar, Senator Sandar, Limbo, Daena, Karubi, General Krull, Zaius, Semos

Type: Unknown, possibly Man-Made

Location: Civilized Area/Jungle/Desert

Height/Weight: That of average humans.

Affiliation: Good (Ari, Daena, Karubi), Neutral (Limbo, Krull), Evil (the rest)

Summary: You all remember it. An alternate future in which mankind is overthrown and replaced by their ape cousins. But alas, the monkey business wouldn't end with the copious amount of sequels that followed. A rema-sorry, reimagining, was in order. It...could have been a lot better.

History: Long ago, a space station known as the Oberon crash-landed on the planet Ashlar. Its occupants were a few people and many apes, the best of which was Semos. After a while, Semos and his kin rebelled against their human counterparts, particularly after being experimented upon, and took the planet for themselves. From there, the descendents of the humans and Semos have been at odds, particularly with the latter enslaving the former. The year is now 5021, and the apes are stronger than ever, led by the zealous and rather insane General Thade. Then an accidental time-travelling astronaut shows up...

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: After said astronaut sparks a rebellion, his own chimp sidekick, Pericles, shows up in the middle of a fight piloting a pod. Every ape except Thade sees it as Semos' return, and the rivalry between man and ape seems to end. Thade's attempt to murder the astronaut fail, and the man manages to travel back in time...to an alternate Earth in which apes are already dominant. Oh, and they replaced the Lincoln Memorial with Thade's visage. WHAT?

Powers/Abilities: Impressive agility.

Weakness: Anything conventional, though they're really scared of fire.

Scariness Factor: 4-We'll give it this much. The makeup is incredibly top-notch, and makes the ape men look fantastically real. It also brings out the scarier aspects of their tyrannical personalities, especially Thade, who spends a good portion of the film screeching and jumping around like a maniac. So really, a very accurate idea of a human chimpanzee. Seriously, don't trust those guys in the wild.

Trivia: -Apparently, Helena Bonham Carter also thought the ending made not a lick of sense. But according to Tim Burton, that was exactly what he had in mind. No, no, no, it was SUPPOSED to suck, he was apparently thinking.

-Thade's actor, Tim Roth, sacrificed an opportunity to be Severus Snape in the "Harry Potter" film franchise to be this guy. Let that sink in for a moment.

Image Gallery

He knows of this film's reception.

"Never forget the spirit of Harambe."

A spiral of mediocrity for all.

Looking for Zaius? Yeah, NOPE.
Back when his face was sellable.

No wonder Thade's evil. People won't live down that stupid helmet.
Crawl out of the film! It's your only hope!

You're both so damn ugly.