“Sod on tape”

Films: Monster (2008)

Alias: None

Type: Ancient

Location: Civilized Area

Height/Weight: Unknown, though the tentacles are as big as large cranes.

Affiliation: Neutral

Summary: As one might guess, the found footage film craze that got kicked of with "Cloverfield" (technically "The Blair Witch Project" started it) was not exactly a crowning moment for the horror genre. We got nothing but messy, uninteresting films filled with shaky-cam, barely any monster action, annoying characters, and just a colossal waste of over 60 minutes. This is one of those cases.

History: Deep beneath the Kanto Fault and right below Tokyo, Japan, there is a monster about to be awakened. The octopus-like beast known as Mizuchi is causing highly destructive earthquakes, and nothing can stop it. Two filmmakers document the gradual rise of Mizuchi as we are left to wait patiently for more than just one tentacle occasionally being shown.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: Eventually come nightfall, and Mizuchi is out of control. Its many tentacles burst from the ground, fire is everywhere, the earthquakes are at their worst, people are dying left and right...and the film just ends. Whether we were able to defeat the colossal cephalopod or not...none can say...

Powers/Abilities: Mizuchi can cause major tremors and earthquakes just by moving.

Weakness: Unknown.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-An underground octopus bigger than a building and capable of wrecking a city without even touching it should sound like the kind of thing H.P. Lovecraft was warning us about between racist tirades. But instead, we get a camera-shy beast that's made of typical Asylum-grade CGI. Just don't waste your time on this one.

Trivia: -Mizuchi gets its name from the Japanese water deity often described as a guardian of water. However, most interpretations see it as a great Eastern dragon.

-Honestly, if we wanted to be more accurate with Japanese monster names to give this putz, we would have gone with Akkorokamui, a minor Kami (holy spirit) of the Ainu people that is explicitly stated to look like an octopus. It resides in Funka Bay, and is said to be quite intelligent and friendly, yet is not unwilling to use violence if need be, and will not let go of someone unless asked politely. Also, it is said to have healing properties due to its ability to regenerate limbs, as the real octopus can do.

Image Gallery

Uncensored? So, basically the whole movie.
Heaven has no place for one such as her.
A typical day after a Kaiju attack.