“Survivor: There will be none”

Films: Monster Island (2004)

Alias: The ants and their queen, giant mantises, Bruce the Piranha Man, Rudy, giant spider

Type: Mutant

Location: Civilized Area/Jungle/Swamp/Cave

Height/Weight: Ranges from that of a puppy to that of small buildings.

Affiliation: Good (Rudy), Neutral (the rest)

Summary: MTV is the textbook example of a channel that fell hard from grace. Once the king of musical TV, the damn thing became so indistinguishable from similar channels that it could only be dethroned by the self-parodying loss of identity of the History Channel. But also back then, they tried making movies. And between this and "Joe's Apartment", we're beginning to wonder if the bigwigs of MTV were entomologists at heart. But you know what? Who cares?! This film's an underrated gem in all the right ways for us monster fans!

History: Located somewhere within the Bermuda Triangle, this island once belonged to the Mombata people before the military occupied it for nuclear bomb testing. All that did is not only ensure that the island will inevitably go down under, but also give rise to monstrous mutants, particularly those of the arthropod variety. That didn't stop an exclusive concert staring Carmen Electra (as herself) happening there. As one might guess, things go wrong, and the queen of a tyrannical ant colony snatches her up in order to use her singing voice to keep the ants' Mombata slaves in line as well as the queen's own selfish desires. A few unlikely heroes, a few utter a-holes, and a scientist played by Adam West named Dr. Harryhausen are her only hope of getting off an island filled to the brim with predators.

Notable Kills: For all of you folks unfamiliar with mantis mating habits, this will be a nice little biology lesson for you. Take it as you will.

Final Fate: After braving the jungles and reaching the ant caves, one of the rescuers uses a sacred necklace to take on the role of the Mombata Goddess, galvanizing the slaves to rebel against the ants just as the volcano explodes. The queen is taken out by Harryhausen blowing them both up with a bomb, and the rest get out with Carmen, some Mombata, and the horseshoe crab mutant Rudy. The biggest asshole is left behind to become lunch for Bruce...

Powers/Abilities: None.

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-Sure, the effects can be a little cheesy, but that's all a part of this film's charm. Even then, the stop-motion for most of these creatures, especially for the mantises and the ants, work perfectly with how unnerving they can be. Bruce is no slouch either with his savage gillman design. As for Rudy, he's just too cute in an ugly sort of way.

Trivia: -As we've once described before, ants are no stranger to subjugation of other species. Though they stick to just enslaving other ant species, usually by taking the opposing colony's eggs to raise them into their own workers. The fact that these babies don't even KNOW they're meant to be slaves is horrifying, to say the least.

-Female mantises don't ALWAYS eat the head of their mate. They only do it if they're hungry at the moment. But considering that they engage in "sexual cannibalism" 90% of the time, and the fact that males often mate multiple times in life, it's safe to say that sex just sucks for some animals.

Image Gallery

She's more terrified that the ant showed her the future of MTV.

This male mantis refuses to cater to his instincts and look what happens!

The Shape of Celebrity Bathwater.

You think insects never get understaffed? Well...
We said it was a kingdom of monsters! Not just of the spiders AGAIN!

When you decide on a Nutrigrain bar or a Big Slurpee.

"Spiderman 3 will rock and you'll die for thinking it would be a laugh-fest!"

Never has he brushed his teeth.

"And no Tide pockets! You call that food?! Even you humans should know better!"

I didn't know insects had glass eyes.

Nature is fascinating, isn't it?

"What? I'm making smoothies."

"Guess what I found? New mating material!"
Well, this spider got more lucky than he should have.

Still a more dignified fate than what a certain Tyrannosaurus got in 1960.

So cute...life is pain for him.