“God, we need a shower after this”

Films: Monsturd (2003)

Alias: Jack Schmidt, the Sh*t Man

Type: Mystical

Location: Civilized Area/Cave

Height/Weight: That of an average human.

Affiliation: Neutral, leaning on Evil

Summary: A turd monster. A turd. Monster. Well, if it worked in "Dogma", then surely a film based on that tiny plot point will work better right? No. No it won't.

History: In Dutech Labs in Butte County, California (sigh, just go with it), a freak accident involving some thrown away mutagen, lots of crap, and an escaped prisoner named Jack Schmidt results in the guy melting to death...and then being reborn as a golem of feces. The world will now have to bear witness to Monsturd. And yes, it's as disgusting as it sounds.

Notable Kills: It kills people by essentially sh*tting on them. Need we say more?

Final Fate: Eventually, Monsturd is confronted, sprayed with water, and assaulted by swarms of trained flies, which proceed to eat him alive, piece by piece.

Powers/Abilities: Can shift in size to get through the pipes.

Weakness: Water and whatever has the stomach to eat crap.

Scariness Factor: 1.5-We don't care how many people get offed by this horrible thing. It's a stiff-looking pile of crud that goes around looking absolutely pathetic while somehow raking in a body count. Also, it goes out like a complete chump.

Trivia: -This film's original script title was "Number 2 Part 1". Yes...'part 1'.

-Somehow, this film took up to two years to make.

Image Gallery

"Life...is agony..."
Is she...stripping down for him?! UGH!
Yes! Get away from the water! The last thing we need is you getting even more rancid!