“Story in a story, former saved, latter botched”

Films: Lady in the Water (2006)

Alias: Story the Narf, the Scrunt, the Tartutic, the Great Eatlon

Type: Mystical

Location: Forest/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: Ranges from that of a wolf to that of a jet.

Affiliation: Good (Story, Tartutic, Great Eatlon), Evil (Scrunt)

Summary: Once again, our favorite meistro of narm and failed gravitas M. Night Shyamalan shows up to deliver perhaps his most self-indulgent and pretentious work yet. At least it had some interesting creatures, for a change. Aside from that, try not to get caught up in the absurdity of it all. Or do. Go at your own pace.

History: It is said that someday, a chosen one known as the Writer will produce a work of literature so eloquent and profound that it will usher in a new era of peace. And the one to find this writer is Story, a humanoid from a race known as the Narf, who inhabit the watery Blue World. Fairly standard if not somewhat silly fairy tale fair...until you realize that not only is she being pursued by a renegade wolf-like beast known as the Scrunt, but the fabled Writer is a guy played by M. Night Shyamalan himself. You may feel free to stop reading now. But for those who stay, it is up to the Story, the Writer, and several other folks to come together and repel the Scrunt so that Shyama-I mean the Writer can...sigh...bring forth world peace with his book. Aw, jeez.

Notable Kills: There's something to be said about the Scrunt offing perhaps the biggest and most blatant example of a strawman film critic ever put to fiction. It's almost as if Shyamalan was bearing grudges at the time, but that'd be ridiculous...

Final Fate: Just when the Scrunt has Story right where it wants her, out come the Tarturic, a group of gorilla-like beings meant to protect the Blue World. They drag the Scrunt away to beat it into paste while Story is escorted away by a massive eagle called the Great Ealton, her mission complete.

Powers/Abilities: Story can travel from the Blue World to our world through any body of water. Meanwhile, the Scrunt can camouflage easily in the green due to its own grassy hide.

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-All things considered, this film doesn't have the worst monsters in it. Sure, Story is hardly a monster at all. In fact, she's one of the more endearing characters out of this whole mess. But the Scrunt is a legitimately terrifying beast, looking like a wolf straight out of a floral Hell. Those piercing red eyes are what mainly do the trick. The rest are just there for a few seconds, and ultimately do more good than bad.

Trivia: -THIS is often the film blamed for Shyamalan's complete transition to trash cinema, with many people lambasting him for trying to write himself as some kind of messiah, on top of so many other problems with this film. Honestly, he really should have seen this coming.

-Shyamalan actually attempted to get the Disney studio to work with him on this, but after they expressed doubt about the whole premise, as one would, he coldly rejected any support they had left to give. They even offered to fund the whole thing, but Shyamalan was insistent that they don’t help him for daring to question him. Yeah, keep dreaming, sunflower...

Image Gallery

If bedtime stories were meant to be made by Steam Direct.

Terrifying, until you realize what she's screaming at...POOOOOOL!

Hope you got a refund after this.
Time is running out for better writing.

Predator, as made by the 3 Little Pigs.
"I am NOT Groot..."

Ever seen a Scrunt's eyes? Kind of like YOUR eyes...
He'll huff and puff and tear your throat out.

The eagles are coming! The eagles are coming!