“Desert just desserts”

Films: The Vortex (2012)

Alias: Giant scorpions, giant spiders, giant hornets, giant snakes (Sydney Gerber, William Marx)

Type: Mystical

Location: Desert

Height/Weight: Ranges from that of horses to twice that of buses.

Affiliation: Good (Marx), Neutral (most of the rest), Evil (Gerber)

Summary: When things start coming out of random portals, there is always a good chance that it doesn't mean anything good. Take our advice, and don't touch whatever comes out of the pretty portal. Either you'll lose who you are as a person, or contend with the creatures that cannot understand human warnings.

History: In the deserts of America, a strange vortex has unleashed several white crystals from another dimension. They're harmless on their own, but when the local wildlife interacts with them, they are turned into gigantic predators out for blood. Now, scores of soldiers are being killed, and the maniacal murderer Sydney Gerber sees the crystals as a means of taking over the world. It will take some serious firepower to fend off him and his new army of mutant beasts.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: After just about every monster is killed, Gerber gets several crystals thrusted into his back, turning him into an equally insane giant snake. A soldier named William Marx counters this by stabbing himself with crystals, and using his will to turn into a much larger and armored serpent. The scuffle is short, and both are sent into the vortex. However, at least one crystal remains...

Powers/Abilities: As crystal-made snakes, people retain their ability to speak, and can also breathe fire.

Weakness: Heavy artillery.

Scariness Factor: 2-The CGI is, as always with films of this budget, not all that great. In fact, it's REALLY bad. Enough to make Syfy probably wonder why they bothered airing it. But at least Gerber is somewhat intimidating, even if he acts and looks like a total cartoon villain. It's more amusing than scary.

Trivia: -It's petty, but the soldiers in this film often have hair that's too long for the U.S. military to allow.

-This film is more often known as "Big Bad Bugs".

Image Gallery

You'd think they had the snake in the squad.

Especially in this dark Hell.

"To freedom!"

No, they didn't make a Python sequel. Sorry, guy.

"Where's the gummy bit inside?"

These the ONLY guards they could afford?!
Try telling that title to the snake.

Awwww...fire away.

"My cheapness fills you with horror..."