“What have we done?”

Films: A Talking Cat?! (2013)

Alias: None

Type: Mystical

Location: Forest/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: That of an average housecat.

Affiliation: Good

Summary: Okay, so this decade needed its own Ice Cream Bunny, so what? Either way, this thing just incites more irritation than it does genuine terror. It's just that words cannot describe just how inept one director can be at any given moment. Such is demonstrated this tale of a cat named Duffy.

History: Duffy is a cat, but no ordinary cat. He's a talking cat. And he just sort of goes from one area to another, only able to talk once per human. This is apparently accomplished through a magical collar he wears. He does next to nothing while we suffer through increasingly stupid and mundane family drama.

Notable Kills: Our patience.

Final Fate: After being hit by a car right out of nowhere (yet somehow appearing no worse for wear), Duffy is healed out of nowhere by his collar. And then...the film ends. Because f*ck you, that's why.

Powers/Abilities: Duffy's collar allows him to talk to any human once. It also has healing powers apparently.

Weakness: Anything conventional...maybe. That car should have flattened him right then and there.

Scariness Factor: 0.5-Unless you consider a flashing black triangle being used for a mouth or the bored-to-tears monotone of Eric Roberts to be creepy, Duffy's just an ordinary housecat. We just really couldn't resist dragging this film through the mud. It doesn't help that half the time we can see the red light/cat food meant to keep him in place.

Trivia: -This film was directed by David DeCoteau, who did this, like all the rest of his "family" films, under the alias of Mary Crawford so that no one could tell that his strong suit was more gay erotica. Then again, almost everything the other actors have done is porn.

-All of Eric Roberts' lines were recorded in less than fifteen minutes.

Image Gallery

And the nightmare began.
For God's sake...