“Bad God Dog”

Films: The Pyramid (2014)

Alias: None

Type: Unknown, possibly Mystical

Location: Underground/Haunted Home

Height/Weight: That of an average human.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Egyptian mythology hasn't even gotten its most polarizing film this decade just yet, and we've already hit a rather sore spot with it. Part found-footage trend-chaser, part vaguely interesting idea, this one either takes cues from the tales of old or spits on them. Whichever you pick.

History: Deep below the Egyptian sands, there is a peculiar three-sided pyramid that has only now been discovered by archaeologists. The locals warn everyone not to enter, but as one might guess, they do anyway. It proves to be a really bad idea, as the place was meant to keep a monster imprisoned. One known as Anubis, who wishes to be with his creator Osiris again. It is not clear whether this is the genuine ward of the Underworld or some kind of other horrid beast, but we desperately hope it isn't the former. Either way, those explorers are on their own in this claustrophobic and death-filled doghouse.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: In the end, only one manages to get outside of the pyramid. But she has left the door open, and now Anubis can leave whenever he wants. What this means for the world is anyone's guess.

Powers/Abilities: Anubis has complete control over an army of demonic sphinx cats that lurk in the pyramid.

Weakness: Anything conventional, apparently.

Scariness Factor: 2-We get what they were going for here. Anubis does try to look like a scary skinned man-jackal. But the problem is that his CGI look makes him seem a bit on the cartoonish side, and his cats aren't much better either. It doesn't help that a small stabbing threw him off completely, and his character flies in the face of mythology. At least, IF this is the OG Anubis.

Trivia: -Let's set the record straight here. Anubis was the Egyptian God of the Underworld, mummification, and the journey from life to death. Depicted as a man with a black African golden wolf's head, he is a neutral being who wardens over the sacred weighing scale that determines whether souls go to the Afterlife or not. His fur color is black because it symbolizes both the discoloration of the dead, as well as the soil of the Nile.

-Although this film stars sphinx cats as well, they didn't become a breed until the 60s.

Image Gallery

You only die once, as well. Or twice, given who Anubis is.

Ren, NO!

Does she smell like milkbones?
Why do you think they designed it all so evilly?

At least Anubis gives free meals to his cats
If the walls could talk...they'd complain about the dark.

He spent the next few minutes sputtering sand.

"You. Give me your clothes."