“Darkest Africa returns”

Films: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017), Jumanji: The Next Level (2019)

Alias: Various, notably killer hippos, killer rhinos, Van Pelt, giant snakes, killer ostriches, killer mandrills, and Jurgen the Brutal

Type: Mystical

Location: Eldritch location/Jungle/Desert/Mountains

Height/Weight: That of their respective species.

Affiliation: Neutral, leaning on Evil

Summary: Back in the 90s, the world's most dangerous board game wowed us with Robin Williams and the very worst that man's fear of the jungle had to offer. Now, we have...something a lot less scary, but no less dangerous. And it has evolved just in time for the modern day.

History: As usual, Jumanji is a cursed game that either traps people in a warped jungle or unleashes its inhabitants onto the world. But its recent target in the 90s didn't care for a board game, so it transformed into a cartridge-era video game. Anyone who dares play this game ends up transported into its world as the avatar of their choice, which is almost always a reflection of who they are and/or what they could be (for instance, a scrawny nerd ends up as masculinity incarnate Dwayne Johnson). The players have a few lives to spare, and they must use their powers to navigate through the treacherous terrain to finish the designated quest. But the many dangerous animals and vile villains here won't make it easy...

Notable Kills: One's life is instantly taken by a carnivorous hippo. A fine establishment that this world gives no f*cks.

Final Fate: The first outing ended with Van Pelt defeated and the sacred Jaguar's Eye jewel being returned to its place, sending the hapless players back. They proceeded to smash the game to pieces afterwards. But of course, one of them kept said pieces and ended up in their again, and one journey later, the warlord Jurgen is vanquished, the day is saved again...but someone has somehow brought animals from it into the real world...again...

Powers/Abilities: Almost all animals are carnivorous, regardless of their species.

Weakness: Win the game, escape the world. Also, Jurgen is allergic to the Jumanji Berry.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-This isn't nearly as bad as the previous incident, but it's still a perilous one. This is a death world where everyone and everything is out to get you. Particular stand-outs are the vermin-spreading Van Pelt, those saurian-looking ostriches, and that huge pack of psychotic mandrills. This is the one place where 'game over' means the difference between life and death.

Trivia: -The first film was mistaken for a reboot of the original, but it is in fact a sequel, as evidenced by the massive treehouse with a message that plainly reads "Alan was here". The diner also makes a cameo in the second film.

-Apparently, Dwayne Johnson found a sort of kinship with his character, seeing how during his teenage years, he was a very depressed and anxious person hiding behind his buff exterior. Ouch.

Image Gallery

What a waste of their first lives.

Technology marches on, and Jumanji just conquers.

Kevin Hart's detractors have finally gotten the best of him.

Remember that remake of A Sound of Thunder? Meet the Netflix remake of that one scene.

A movie all about them? Sign me up.
And the croc played by King K. Rool.

See...Dwayne Johnson beat up animals! Wait, somebody remove that tagli-

The tragic fate of Diego the Explorer.

So, they got Sabor from Tarzan on the line.

Go back to the remnants of Game of Thrones, whoever you are.

The Jungle Gym from Hell.
I'd worry more about the oversized hippo over there.

China, quit tightening the chains over our cinema, okay?

From stuffy British madman to the Corpse of Bugs that Walks.

"Zoology, bitch!" Actual quote, yes.

Quit interuptting the Eskimo kiss, guys!

You should be asking who's bright idea was it to mix an ostrich with a Cassowary anyway?

Rafiki's crackhead family.

Come for the wildlife that didn't make it into the film.

She's not over that time she was an accessory to that robbery decades ago.

"You shall watch Nacho Libre for all eternity for your transgressions against me!"

"Brothers in Arms" intensifies.