“No need for grizzlies”

Films: Land Shark (2017)

Alias: None

Type: Man-Made

Location: Ocean/Lake/Forest/Desert/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: That of average great whites.

Affiliation: Neutral

Summary: It's such a novel idea! A shark not confined to the limits of the water that can hunt you down no matter how far you run away. Except...the execution leaves much to be desired.

History: Somehow, a government experiment in splicing shark and human DNA has resulted in a brood of super-sharks. That is, sharks that can traverse out onto land, and kill whatever is outside the water. It's up to a couple of agents to hunt down the land sharks before they cause too much trouble.

Notable Kills: One bites off a guy's ding-dong after getting pissed on by him.

Final Fate: All of the land sharks are killed, but one of the agents then turns into a full-blown shark man. He is killed when his partner ruptures his gills and strangles him.

Powers/Abilities: Can move out of land at any given time.

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 1.5-Everything about these sharks is just plain awful. Their existence is improbable, the effects are either bad CGI or the f*cking shark puppet, and ONE SHARK SCENE FEATURES A GODDMAMN SANDTIGER JPEG! In other words, these sharks should have stayed in the water.

Trivia: -A beached shark is a dead shark. They need to keep moving in order for air to properly circulate, and they only have so much energy to flail on land for a long time.

-This film was directed by Mike Polonia, who can best be described as a somehow cheaper Roger Corman. Many a ultra-low-budget monster has been made by this guy, included Sharkenstein and the absolute dumpster fire that is "Monster Movie".

Image Gallery

Good luck with the sand clogging your gills!
The MIB sequel they don't speak of.