“Gods, monsters, and white-washing”

Films: Gods of Egypt (2016)

Alias: Horus, Set, Apophis, Mnevis, Anubis, giant cobras, the Sphinx

Type: Mystical

Location: Civilized Area/Desert/Eldritch location/Haunted home

Height/Weight: Ranges from that of average humans to that which is indescribable.

Affiliation: Good (Horus), Neutral (Anubis, cobras, Sphinx), Evil (the rest)

Summary: Many years back, this film would have been hailed as a b-movie classic. Who knows? Perhaps it would even have stop-motion effects by Ray Harryhausen, or a cheesy spectacle like one of those adventure films Doug McClure starred in. But as it stands, it is seen as a CGI palooza that demands you leave your brain at the front door, lest you get caught up wondering why they cast someone like Gerald Butler as one of the Egyptian Gods.

History: In a quite literally flat world governed by the Egyptian Gods of legend, treason is underway! During the coronation of young God Horus, his evil brother Set swoops in, blinds him, and takes the throne after killing his father Osiris. Left a tall human, Horus has no choice but to ally with a common thief, and seek the means to regain his power before Set not only ruins all of Egypt, but allows the coming of Apophis, a galaxy-sized abomination that threatens to eat the entire world if Ra isn't there to stop it.

Notable Kills: One of the cobras is lulled into setting itself on fire, taking its rider with it.

Final Fate: In the end, Horus obtains his power once more through his good deeds and friendship with the mortal thief who helped him. However, by that point, Set has decided to take over the heavens while letting Apophis eat the mortal realm and the Afterlife. Horus manages to defeat and kill Set and give Ra back his staff so that the apocalyptic monster is repelled once again. Horus then uses the blessing from Ra to restore most of the Gods back to life, and revive his fallen comrades. He also sweetens the deal about the Afterlife by making it so that people enter paradise based on their good deeds, not their riches.

Powers/Abilities: Horus and Set can transform into armored beings that represent a falcon and a jackal respectively. They can upgrade these armors through many means. Apophis is pretty much immortal, and the giant cobras can breathe fire.

Weakness: Beings of equal or greater power for the Gods. Apophis can only be repelled by the staff of Ra. The rest can be taken out by heavy artillery, though the Sphinx will allow passage to anyone who can solve his riddle.

Scariness Factor: 4-The CGI isn't always the best it can be, especially for the overly shiny armor forms of the Gods, but it all does a good job of showing how dangerous the Egyptian world of myth could be. The scariest beast have to be the toothy giant cobras and Apophis, which is basically a gigantic nebula with rows of teeth coming to eat EVERYTHING. Meanwhile, for as spooky as Anubis is, he's finally been done justice. Seeing him standing between Apophis and the souls of the dead is just awesome.

Trivia: -After this film predictably went tits up in box office numbers and critical reception, director Alex Proyas went hog wild on Facebook, calling most of his detractors "deranged idiots", among other non-flattering things. And we actually kind of liked his film!

-In Egyptian mythology, Apophis, or Apep, is mostly described as a serpentine monster that embodied chaos. Also known as the World Encircler, Apep would constantly battle against Ra, or even Set and the other Gods.

Image Gallery

Really, all there is to know about this intersting mess.

"Now, bring me my CHARIOTS of fire!"

Deep inside that armor, he's painfully regretting putting on armor that's just smelted.
Getting colored in gold paint is enough to make you violent!

Am I the only one imagining a Madonna bra on him now? It fits.

"I'm just glad I'm not evil in this movie."

Remember when he was a scary serpent and not a space-cloud? Granted, he's the best out of them all (looking at you, movie-Galactus!)

"So...what God am I of? We already have a cow goddess. Cool girl."

Riddle of the Crumbling Statue.
The mural of kinda-sorta mediocrity.

Sugar and Spice. That's what we're naming them.

Bernie Sanders becomes a Super Saiyan God!