“The Prince of Mars”

Films: John Carter (2012)

Alias: The Thark (Tars Tarkas, Sab Than, Dejah Thoris, Sola, Matai Shang, Tal Hajus), the Great White Apes

Type: Alien

Location: Desert/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: Ranges from that of average humans to that of small buildings.

Affiliation: Good (Tars, Dejah, Sola), Neutral (Great White Apes), Evil (the rest)

Summary: Adapting Edgar Rice Burroughs stories in the present day is no easy task. Whether the guy intended it or not, the stories are often mired in "white savior" tropes, and the movies of old have certainly not helped dispel that. And of course, we have an example of Disney of all companies taking a shot at it, with so-so results.

History: Back in 1868, John Carter was accidentally whisked away by a mysterious medallion. It managed to teleport him to Barsoom, a fictional version of Mars. He realized that unlike the main residents of the place, the Tarks, he had impeccable strength and agility on the planet. But alas, that put him in the middle of a civil war between the different Tark civilizations, in particular the tyrannical Matai Shang, who was actually a Thern, which is basically a Martian that goes around ruining different planets. John will have to decide whether he really wants to go back to dreary America or stay in a place where he could e a hero.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: Carter is able to dispose of some of Barsoom's major villains, but Shang manages to get him back on Earth while getting there himself as well. Many years after Carter is presumed dead, his nephew Edgar Rice Burroughs manages to find him, and summon him just in time for him to kill a disguised Shang. Carter entrusts Edgar to tell his story, and departs for Barsoom once more.

Powers/Abilities: The Thern type of Thark can shapeshift if need be.

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-The Thark are certainly a bit intimidating with their tall slender frames and long tusks, but many of them are just like any regular folk living in a war-torn place. Of course, the nastier features are elevated for the nastier specimens appropriately. And those apes can be incredibly savage once let loose. So be grateful that humans gain superpowers on the red planet.

Trivia: -This film was perhaps one of Disney's biggest box office bombs, thanks in no small part to releasing it when "The Hunger Games" was in theaters.

-Actually, it gets even better than that. Putting aside how people have been trying to get an adaptation of this story off the ground since the 30s, everything went to pieces when Andrew Stanton, whose career was built mainly on animated features, was selected to direct. Combined with other inexperienced folk, it resulted in a cavalcade of executive meddling and egos running rampant. A particular problem was not only Stanton listening to his Pixar buddies more than anyone else, but his sad delusion that John Carter was a well-known character as opposed to a niche work. This resulted in him handling the marketing in extremely poor fashion, though some suspect that the slander against Stanton is a result of executive hating him. It ultimately ended with local creep John Lasseter blowing a fuse and firing both chairman Rich Ross and marketer M.T. Carney for their failure to keep the film from bombing as hard as it did.

Image Gallery

You know, right guys? Guys?! We kinda need you to know him or profits go belly up!

Carter. John Carter.

"Look at all the care I give!"
Sorry about your eyes, folks.

Featuring ill-concieved ship design.

Snowflake the gorilla, what did they do to you?!

This is what happens when you give your fighters no direction.
Complete with discount Dewbacks.

"It's a-me, John-a-Carter!"