“Satanic swimmer”

Films: Shark Exorcist (2015)

Alias: None

Type: Mystical

Location: Ocean

Height/Weight: That of an average great white shark.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Well, here's something you don't quite see every day. The Lord of Darkness himself deciding to take a small break from possessing mortals just so he can be one of nature's top killers. It sounds like a romp full of evil and carnage...but it really isn't. It's more akin to a "complete waste of time".

History: An evil nun living in what we presume is California has been feeding unwary folk, mostly women, to Satan. Specifically, Satan in the form of a red great white shark. And what's worse is that on the side, he has also possessed a young woman so that she kills people on land with her shark teeth. What was it with Satan's obsession with sharks today, anyhow?!

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: After the nun is tossed into the water to be fed upon by Satan, it seems that the threat is over. But as it turns out, the shark is still out there, and some random girl in an aquarium has become possessed too.

Powers/Abilities: Possession, immortality.

Weakness: Unknown, possibly holy rituals/objects.

Scariness Factor: 2-This shark may have a slightly intimidating design, and Satan's possessed humans have some killer chompers, but the rest is just inexcusable trash. The shark is an awful CGI effect only slightly a step above its peers, if only because we barely see it interact with actual people throughout the whole film. It's almost as if they knew having this digital devil next to a living person would be totally implausible.

Trivia: -Everything was shot on location. Nary a single set exists for this film.

-We're going to leave this at here. God, this film was a migraine.

Image Gallery

He also just smashed through an underwater volcano!
Demonic monsters require TWO crosses!
Pray for their careers! ALL THREE OF THEM!
Talk about an upgrade! Careful about doing tongue, though.

Free Satan!