“Ronin, Ro-out!”

Films: 47 Ronin (2013)

Alias: Mizuki, the Kirin, the giant samurai, Sojobo and the Tengu monks

Type: Mystical

Location: Forest/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: Ranges from that of average humans to twice that of average bison.

Affiliation: Neutral (Kirin, Tengus), Evil (the rest)

Summary: Alas, whenever a white boy swoops in and takes the center state in a primarily eastern-inspired story, people are going to turn heads. And because time and time again it has been proven, the results are almost never going to stand the passage of time. So you can imagine how well things went when Keanu Reeves was tasked with playing a ronin in a land full of monsters and myth that really doesn't do the original tale justice.

History: In the Ako Domain of Japan, an upcoming samurai of mixed heritage named Kai faces discrimination and distrust everywhere he goes. But things get worse when the people he serves and the one he loves are threatened by the rise of Lord Kira, whose muscle is the malevolent Kitsune witch Mizuki. With her creatures and her cunning, she's managed to outsmart everyone, and the only ones who could potentially serve as a threat have been branded as ronin. It takes a full year for the 47 ronin, Kai included, to reorganize, and trek across the land to finish off the evil sorceress forever, and take out Kira as well.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: By the time anyone even reaches Mizuki, only Kai and another ronin are left. But luckily, Kai manages to slay Mizuki when she takes the form of a dragon, while the other one finishes off Kira. While they still have to die for their crimes, they are given the honor of performing seppuku. Um...yay?

Powers/Abilities: Mizuki is a master shapeshifter who can also conjure up all sorts of entities. The Tengu monks are also masters of illusions, though they focus mostly on speed and mind tricks.

Weakness: All of Mizuki’s forms have her heterochromatic eyes. She can also be dealt heavy damage by a good sword, especially one forged by Tengus.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-The CGI isn't always the greatest, but it's good enough for a production of this scale. And quite the scale it is. Mizuki is certainly enjoying her role as the deceptive baddie, to say nothing of her absolutely feral-looking dragon form. The Kirin comes a close second in terms of fear, being a near-unstoppable juggernaut with equally huge antlers jutting from its sides.

Trivia: -This film was plagued by all sorts of troubles during production, among them how the executives kept trying to push Reeves' role into the spotlight more than anyone else. It worked in all the wrong ways, as Reeves' career hit a nosedive until he regained his footing with "John Wick". Also, the film bombed hard, perhaps the second-worst case of it in history, due to being a rather by-the-numbers fantasy flick that did the true tale of the 47 ronin no justice at all (you can blame everyone in the studio fighting over whether it should have been realistic or not).

-Mizuki's actress was Rinko Kikuchi, the very same person who was Mako Mori in "Pacific Rim". An oddity, considering the actress is usually type-casted for roles more in line with Mako's character.


Image Gallery


How John Wick had to train.

All eyes on the hay...or flesh...or whatever.

Charlotte's fleshy web.
Taste the rainbow through your blade.


What do you get when you cross the White Snake and Chinese Dragon myths and things go wrong?

Great. Yet another magical species nearly brought to extinction.

Nioh players like me should panic now.


Trailer(s)