“F-0, you sunk the biggest”

Films: Battleship (2012)

Alias: The Regents

Type: Alien

Location: Eldritch Location/Ocean/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: That of average humans.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Just stop and think to yourself how one adapts a game like this. We have to admit, we have been so far spared of big-budget adaptations of things like "Checkers", "Connect-4", and what not. But for now, we are stuck with a bloated and forgettable film about "Battleship"...but with ALIENS!

History: The truth is that these aliens, known as the Regents, are actually scientists, not soldiers. They hail from "Planet G", and have a history of wrecking planets across the galaxy. They ended up stuck here due to their means of communication being damaged by a satellite, and they've isolated all of Hawaii's communications in order to figure out how to make contact with the rest of their kind. But alas, they and the humans around there had their fingers on the trigger a little too tightly, and soon enough, we've got the Navy using battleships old and new against an increasingly desperate and violent motley crew of extraterrestrials.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: A combination of military power and even the USS Missouri itself pretty much reduce all of the alien warships to scrap at the bottom of the ocean. However, it is shown that one of the alien pods made it to Scotland...

Powers/Abilities: Great strength and bulletproof body armor. They are also telepathic.

Weakness: They are sensitive to sunlight, and can be outmatched by one of equal strength.

Scariness Factor: 3.5-While it's still dubious as to whether these aliens are actually evil or not, they are certainly not to be underestimated. Sure, they look a little silly under that armor (those spike-goatees), but their technology is equal parts enormous and powerful, with all sorts of destructive firepower...now if only they weren't so easily dispatched by a decommissioned WWII battleship and co.

Trivia: -This film would have been a film in a cinematic universe all about Hasbro's action-oriented properties, much like their comic series known as "Revolution". Alas, the poor reception and box office earnings canned that idea, and the major crossover remained in comic form.

-Both the failings of this film and "John Carter" in the exact same year pretty much atom bombed the career of Taylor Kitsch. Similarly, Brooklyn Decker's role in this and "Just Go with It" wrecked his chances of being a big-name star.

Image Gallery

And it all started with a game.

"Wait until our ship is ready! We're still throwing buckets of water out because SOMEONE left the ship window open!"

"You should have gone for the heaaad."


The real reason they invade? MORE SHAVERS!

"Oh. Well, crap."