“Lower than Low Rank”

Films: Monster Hunter (2020)

Alias: Black Diablos, Nerscylla, Apceros, Cephelos, Greater Rathalos, Gore Magala

Type: Natural

Location: Desert/Jungle/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: Ranges from twice that of rhinos to that of a commercial airliner.

Affiliation: Neutral

Summary: The Capcom video game franchise known as "Monster Hunter", as one might guess, is an absolute darling in our eyes. Full of fantastical creatures inspired by real-life beasts, completely bonkers weapon/armor design, and some exciting combat, it's a wonder it wasn't a worldwide hit until around the late 2010s. But alas, with such recognition comes a price to pay. After embarrassing the "Resident Evil" franchise, director Paul W.S. Anderson once again seeks to tarnish the name of a Capcom property by turning this treasure into a half-baked military isekai.

History: Because apparently it was too hard for Anderson to do anything new for a change, he has a group of soldiers get accidentally transported to the New World, a land where modern tech doesn't exist, and the people go toe-to-toe with monstrous predators in order to survive. After the team is picked off by a Black Diablos and some Nerscylla, the sole survivor is the captain, Anderson's wife and go-to Mary Sue actor, Milla Jovovich (DISCLAIMER: Milla isn't a bad person, she just gets bad roles). Oh, and her name is Artemis (GEDDIT?!). Now, she must learn the ways of the hunter with the locals, and find a way to get to the tower where the portal is before anything gets there first.

Notable Kills: The Greater Rathalos sets an entire herd of Apceros on fire, sending it careening off a cliff. It also wipes out a small army of soldiers.

Final Fate: In the end, all monsters that encounter a hunter, and Artemis, eventually fall to the ground dead for one reason or another. The Greater Rathalos gets the worst of it, getting its throat blown up by slinger ammo before another hunter pelts it with explosive arrows. Artemis, her hunter friend, and the few interesting characters then square off against the mighty (and no doubt Frenzy-filled) Elder Dragon known as Gore Magala...and then it ends. Brilliant. Now, who would like to egg Anderson's house so that he never does something like this again?

Powers/Abilities: Most monsters can shrug off heavy artillery, and are defined by their tenacity to kill. The Greater Rathalos in particular is capable of breathing massive streams of fire.

Weakness: Heavy artillery, though headshots work the best. The Greater Rathalos' fire sac in its throat is a major weak point. Also, Nerscylla, or at least this variant, hate sunlight.

Scariness Factor: 4-For what it's worth, these monsters are just as terrifying in film as they are in the games. Sure, a lot of them lose the charm and/or several abilities that would have made them worse, but for the most part, they are authentic (baring those things they dared call Nerscylla). The Greater Rathalos is the, well, greatest of them all, equal in both majesty and power. You will LOSE to all of these creatures if you try and fight them with little to no experience. And even then...

Trivia: -In the games, Black Diablos are simply female specimens that have gone into heat, making them twice as aggressive as their already foul-tempered male counterparts. Despite what the film suggests, they are not predators, but vegetarians, feasting on cacti with their hard teeth. The problem is that they're just insanely territorial.

-This film, on top of stupidly releasing only in theaters during the height of COVID, was pulled from Chinese theaters for a frankly STUPID racist joke that had no place in a movie supposedly catering to the country with the casting of Tony Jaa as the main hunter. Why Capcom keeps giving Anderson their properties is beyond us, honestly.

Image Gallery

This F#*$ing poster...represents all that is wrong...

Can't go wrong with the herbivores, really.

Sir "Not-Really-Appearing-in-this-Film".

And get rightfully fragged.

Bad movie or not, that roar WILL make you panic.

"Brake, brake, brake!"


To be fair, Toho DID help with this.

Damn G-Rankers.

"Damn millennials!"

"I want to speak to my agent!"
Sorry dude. It gets worse from here.

Featuring this VERY VERY HORNY BLACK DIABLOS. That's not a joke. Look it up.

A viable Monster Hunter cover from this movie? What is this monstrosity?!

That flaming car is much like the money wasted on this.

Everybody's favorite part about hunting the Rathalos! Aside from the poison.

"Why...why am I even HERE?! Because it's 2020 and viruses?!"
Monster Hunter, in all of its wretched glory! At least, as this movie thinks it is.

Majesty in the name of all this dickery.

Come for the beaches, stay for the oversized Diablos.

Shara Ishvalda, is that you?!

Finally! NO MORE DESERT! Kind of.