"I Cannot, But I Must"

Film: Robot Monster (1953)

Alias: Ro Man Extentions XJ-2

Type: Alien

Location: Desert

Height/Weight: Slightly larger than the average human.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Aliens, up to this point, have been pretty scary in their scope, even if their intentions meant well. Unfortunately, this is where we truly hit the low point of alien invaders. The bastion of cinematic ridicule himself, the Ro-Man. One look is all it takes to understand why he's such a non-threat. One look at the powers of his kind, though...

History: Ape-like techno-organic aliens supposedly from the moon (yes, our moon) one day took the Earth by storm. Their leader, the Great Guidance, was Hell-bent on annihilating all of man, and he sent his best man, Extension XJ-2, to do it. The plan was a shocking success, as their weapon of choice, the Calcinator Death Ray, destroyed everything on Earth...with the sole exception of eight folk given a serum that made them invulnerable to the weapon. XJ-2 soon set out to tie up loose ends by killing them one by one.

Notable Kills: Nothing special, though killing a little girl won't win him any favors.

Final Fate: Poor XJ-2 begins to feel humanity crawling into his mind when he begins to admire the token woman of the surviving humans. After his sexual frustrations reach a tragic apotheosis, the Great Guidance finally decides to take matters into his own hands by striking his soldier down with finger-lightning and resurrecting dinosaurs to rip the Earth asunder. But wait, it was all the boy's dream! Except it isn't, as after the family leaves, three Ro-Men come out of the cave...

Powers/Abilities: Ro-Men come with great strength and intelligence, but the Great Guidance seems to have an almost God-like power over his followers and the universe at large. Why he didn't just destroy everything himself in the first place is anyone's guess.

Weakness: Unknown, but it seems to be anything conventional for the soldiers.

Scariness Factor: 1.5- IT'S A MAN IN A GORILLA COSTUME WITH A DIVER'S HELMET, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! How would anyone take this seriously?! But, credit where credit is due, the tech and power of them is impressive (even if the death ray is a bubble machine of all things) and the voice work is equally so.

Trivia: -The Ro-Man's lair is located in Bronson Caves, one of the most used locations in B-Movies.

-It's often said that after releasing the film, its director, Phil Tucker, was screwed out of any profits, and attempted to kill himself at a hotel. He couldn't even do that.

Image Gallery

Thankfully, the Rhedosaurus didn't have to endure this malarkey.

A battle to...slightly bore Heaven.

Behold! The terror of a bubble machine!

"Trust me. You will not be missed.
Figures that King Dinosaur would enjoy this.

"Wait. That rock's going where?!"

"Quick! Hide the money! I'm making the most out of this tripe."

"The leg-kicking move must be a mating gesture here."

That ability would have helped...a bit earlier!

A cover that's brutally honest, people. And it's not just about the tagline or the costume.

Great Guidance has one heck of an ironic name when you consider the image way above.

There is no way of knowing...which direction we are going...

"Pooped-out pinwheel, am I?!"

Don't remake this with no irony. It's a classic.