"Dysfunction Junction"

Films: Spider Baby, or the Maddest Story Ever Told (1967)

Alias: Virginia the "Spider Baby", Elizabeth, Ralph, Aunt Clara, Aunt Martha, Uncle Ned

Type: Natural

Location: Haunted Home

Height/Weight: That of an average human.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Why don't you give the Merryes a visit? They're a colorful cast of characters who haven't quite seen the outside world that much, and they're always up for visitors! That is, ones unprepared for the madness inside...

History: The Merryes are a bunch of inbred looneys with their own flaws due to a condition termed "Merrye Syndrome", which causes them to regress in several ways right before puberty. There's Virginia, the insane girl who's based her life and killing style off the spider (she's even got two pet red-knee tarantulas named Winifred and Barney), Ralph, the dementedly animalistic boy who communicates through grunts and other noises, and Elizabeth, the more intelligent of the bunch. And in the basement, other relatives fester, and they're more animal than man.

Notable Kills: Virginia's preferred method of killing is the "spider sting", which involves ensuring a victim and stabbing it to death with dual knives.

Final Fate: After a family reunion proves disastrous, the Merrye family's caretaker decides to just bomb the whole place to the ground, killing them all. But years later, a relative's daughter takes a liking to an orb-weaver in a web...

Powers/Abilities: None.

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 4-You do NOT want to be alone with Virginia, that's for sure. She can barely hold back her bizarre and insane mannerisms at all, and her "sting" is just plain barbaric. Ralph is kind of pitiful if you can get past his sexual advances and ideas of "quality meals". Eli is just a snob, while the basement dwellers are only a bit hard to look at, really.

Trivia: -Other titles for this film include "The Liver Eaters", "Attack of the Liver Eaters", and "Cannibal Orgy".

-Believe it or not, there's a stage musical version of this film, and it's been touring around community theaters for some time.

Image Gallery

I'll tell you what happened. Hell opened up under the house.

I think I'll skip dinner after this.

Kid, you have my sympathy.

Worst preschool game ever.