"The true Maw of Madness"

Films: THIS IS A FILM!? I mean...Things (1989)

Alias: None

Type: Mutant

Location: Haunted home

Height/Weight: That of small dogs.

Affiliation: Evil

Summary: Just when you thought that Justin Bieber was the worst thing to come out of Canada (old timer joke, we know), out comes yet another cinematic endurance test stuck at the tail end of the decade. And it all comes back to these horrible demonic ant abominations.

History: Dr. Lucas was a tad bit insane, that much was known. Probably because he was desperate to have children, but to no avail. Driven to desperation, he did a science, and somehow, this meant his wife violently gave birth to an army of hideous insectoid monsters.

Notable Kills: Nothing special.

Final Fate: Several things are drilled and killed, but then the film just seems to give up, and as far as we can tell, there are some still left to haunt the house. "You have just experienced Things" indeed.

Powers/Abilities: None

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 1-These creatures are little more than second-rate Halloween props, plain and simple. You can just tell that the people who made this film were on autopilot half the time just by looking at these...well, things.

Trivia: -As one might guess, the people behind this film were drunk off their asses when it was conceived. Oh, and of course it was built on lies about the budget that only recently came out.

-No joke, when my brother and I watched this for the first time, we came out feeling nothing less than ill. That's the power of a bad "bad" movie everyone.

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Don't forget the feeling that all of your life is draining away.
Don't ask us how this happened. Just don't.
The worst thing you could get from your shitter.