“Rage Against the Heavens”

Films: Dogma (1999)

Alias: Bartleby and Loki, the Metatron, Rufus the Muse, Serendipity, Azrael, the Stygian triplets, the Golgothan, God (John Joe Jersey)

Type: Mystical

Location: Civilized Area

Height/Weight: That of average humans.

Affiliation: Good (Metatron, Rufus, Serendipity, God), Evil (the rest)

Summary: Fallen Angels are nothing new to us. But this is not a story about the fall of Lucifer. It's about a couple of loser angels being pursued by loser people and loser allies of God. So really, it's a tale of losers...and the few that would become winners.

History: Bartleby and Loki are a couple of ex-Angels who have been exiled to Wisconsin for transgressions against God. Now, after some persuasion from the demonic Azrael, the two are headed for a local church capable of curing any sin so that they may get back. Trouble is that this will cause God's rules to falter, and bring an end to existence. Now, the voice of God, the Metatron, has to recruit the last Scion (an abortion clinic lady), a couple of Muses, and a couple of stoners known as Jay and Silent Bob. We might be in a bit of trouble.

Notable Kills: See Final Fate.

Final Fate: The triplets are taken out by both the Scion and the two stoners, the Golgothan is defeated by Silent Bob via air freshener, and Azrael gets a hole in his chest by Bob via blessed golf club. Bartleby eventually goes off the deep end, wanting to destroy the heavens and all with it, and he kills Loki for having second thoughts. However, God steps in just in time to blow up Bart's head with her voice.

Powers/Abilities: Manipulation of reality, immortality, and in God's case, his/her very voice destroys all who listen to it.

Weakness: An Angel can be reduced to mortal if his/her wings are destroyed. Also, anything conventional (especially blessed objects)

Scariness Factor: 3-Only the demons and the renegade Angels pose a threat, with the Golgothan just being disgusting. Everyone else is a true friend to humanity. God him/herself views his/her world with almost child-like fascination and love. Even Bartleby and Loki, in spite of their plan and murderous nature, are somewhat sympathetic in their plight.

Trivia: -For director Kevin Smith, this film was in the writing stage even before his debut film, "Clerks".

-A sequel involving Islam was planned, but Smith felt that Islamic faith didn't lend itself to jokes all that well.

Image Gallery

Wait! That came out wrong!

Here's looking at Metatron, kid.

"My existance is a joke. Any takers?"
Yes. These guys. God help us all.

Makes for a good bullet-proof vest, I suppose.
Well, Chris Rock, I hope you like getting reincarnated as a zebra soon.

It's sad when demons get the hang of modern conviniences better than angels.
And Fallen, they will stay.

God is a woman and Metatron is a depressed person. Seems about right.