“We are now Ow-Boys”

Films: Wild Wild West (1999)

Alias: None

Type: Man-Made

Location: Desert/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: About 80 feet tall and weighing as much as a large building.

Affiliation: Neutral

Summary: If there's one thing that gets smashed into the western genre for more excitement, it's steampunk. There's nothing wrong with that, but at times it just feels a bit excessive. But if that's excessive, wait till you see what Dr. Arliss Loveless has been building behind everyone's backs...

History: Dr. Loveless was an ex-Confederate (already a loser) bent on taking over the entire United States in the name of the south, and as retaliation for getting his entire lower half destroyed. He has an army of steampunk-empowered goons at his side, and he's formed a formidable team known as the Loveless Alliance. But this madman's magnum opus isn't a secret railroad or any fancy gadget. It is a monstrous mechanical tarantula that he plans on using to destroy anyone and anything that gets in his way. Now, it's up to the heroes James T. West and Artemus Gordon to stop him.

Notable Kills: Nothing special

Final Fate: Loveless loses control of the machine during James and Artemus' assault on the machine, just as it nears the edge of a cliff. Loveless is sent hurdling to his death while the heroes take the machine and use it for more benevolent purposes.

Powers/Abilities: Has cannons that fire fire-based projectiles powered by nitroglycerine.

Weakness: An incredibly ungainly frame.

Scariness Factor: 4-Not only is this mechanical monster absolutely massive, but its got an arsenal capable of leveling a city. Even if this thing were made in the modern day, it would take some significant effort to bring down. Thankfully, its wrath ultimately depends on the driver.

Trivia: -The fact that there is a giant spider-like being in this film is no mistake. Film producer John Peters was behind this, and before then he had a history of wanting to incorporate giant spiders in just about everything he was attached to. This was the main reason his presence canned both a potential Superman movie and an adaptation of the Sandman comics. He just wouldn't shut up about arachnids for more than five seconds.

-The star of the series this film was based on, Robert Conrad, had absolutely no love to give for this film, admonishing it for its campiness and lack of faith to the original. Considering the reception this film received, he wasn't alone with this mindset.

Image Gallery

A ridiculous and fantastic West, actually.

Imagine if they actually made a huge Trapdoor Spider.

Fire breathing tarantulas...did the director see that 3 Stooges movie we talked about in the 50s?

That guy was right. It is a bit ungainly.

A machine now governed by compassion and fun finally sees the light of day.