“Lean Green Machines”

Films: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993)

Alias: The turtles (Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello), Splinter, the Shredder (Super-Shredder), Tokka, and Rahzar

Type: Mutant

Location: Underground/Civilized Area

Height/Weight: That of average humans.

Affiliation: Good (turtles, Splinter), Evil (the rest)

Summary: If you have not in any shape or form heard of these adolescent modified shinobi Terrapins, then chances are you've been living under a rock. For they are some of the most popular cartoon characters out there, and their fame only skyrocketed when they hit the silver screen...at least for the first time.

History: For those who don't know, it all started when four turtles (and a rat) got covered in a mutagenic ooze. Over time, they slowly became much more anthropomorphic, and developed both intelligence and even the potential to master some of the most prestigious martial arts. The rat, Splinter, was the wisest of them, and he raised the turtles to become both his children, and defenders of the streets of Manhattan. Named after famed Renaissance artists, these turtles would mainly defend their home and their few friends against the Shredder, a mad samurai leading the Foot clan for world domination and abuse of the ooze.

Notable Kills: Nothing special

Final Fate: The Shredder has been thrown into a garbage compactor twice, only seeming to permanently go away when an entire pier collapses on him. As for the turtles, they would continue to protect the city and do it with dignity and awesomeness...and then they danced with Vanilla Ice. Then they got sent back in time to Feudal Japan. Then we all collectively agreed to never speak of that again.

Powers/Abilities: Each turtle is a master of their weapon. Leonardo wields kitana-like Ninjaken swords. Raphael uses twin sai daggers. Michelangelo uses nunchakus. Donatello wields a Bo staff. The Shredder also increases in power with the ooze serum.

Weakness: Anything conventional.

Scariness Factor: 3-The turtles are just a tad bit creepy, but are nonetheless total good guys. Raf has a bit of a temper problem, but it hardly makes him a threat. The Shredder is a terrorist, but in time, his defeats make him look like a chump. To say nothing of his mutant minions, who are, ahem, BABIES!!! THEY'RE BABIES!!! ARGGGHHH.

Trivia: -There have been many different incarnations of the turtles over the decades, but none will ever be as dark as the very original. These guys were originally made as a parody of Marvel's Daredevil, mainly about what might have happened to that mutagen they seemed to forget about. It involved a lot more bloodshed, and Shredder was killed violently in the first issue before being resurrected earlier. Also, all the turtles looked perpetually pissed.

-Part of the reason that the second and third films were so toned down compared to the original was that parents were complaining about their kids trying to emulate the turtles (admittingly pretty violent in real-life) fighting style. So now you have two films where the turtles act like wimps throughout.

Image Gallery

It's nowhere near as light-hearted, for example...

I never got why they call themselves the Foot Clan. Cool masks, though.

And now, the descent from grace.

"Remember. You had your weapons and I beat you WITH A NET."

Without hope for a sequel after this dreck.
Raphael looks like a pure sunflower...probably because he just got done stabbing a mugger.


Think Rahzar is stupid? Wait until 2012.

All it takes is 400 years for this film to be remembered.
Michealangelo is getting top billing? Oh, hell no...

No more getting bossed by Krang. No more restraint.

No wonder they look despondent. That's their future behind them. Scroll down for context.

Gamera's loser cousin takes the scene.

The turtles leanred about drugs in this moment after taking them.

This really is no 80s cartoon. The villain won't hold back.

"So, are we related in this or are we just pure enemies?"

You idiots! You just poisoned the entire city!

Don't worry! He's like an alien from Signs! Get the lumber out!

Hopefully, that artifact's set to blow...like this film.