“That's a lot of fish”

Films: Godzilla (1998)

Alias: Godzilla, Gojira, GINO, Fraudzilla, Deanzilla, Crapzilla

Type: Mutant

Location: Ocean/Civilized Area/Underground

Height/Weight: 54 meters and 500 metric tons.

Affiliation: Neutral

Summary: Look! Gigantic spines! A reptilian frame! Atomic-powered eyes! It's...wait? What the Hell is this?! Is this your idea of a sick joke, America?! The King of the Monsters deserves better than this chump! Aw, who are we kidding, the hate has died down...sort of.

History: Roland Emmerich made the biggest mistake of his life...I mean, a newly hatched iguana had just recently been exposed to a nuclear blast from a French test. Over the course of 30 years, it grew into a gigantic, asexual monster that started terrorizing any fishing ship that dared go near its turf. But one day, the monster decided to find greener pastures, and found that New York would be the perfect place to not only state its claim, but produce a whole army of offspring that could doom the human race. The reign of Godzilla-oops, sorry, we meant "Zilla", had just begun.

Notable Kills: Breathes on some wreckage to light it aflame. A pitiful impersonation of atomic breath.

Final Fate: After its dangerous brood is obliterated along with the rest of Madison Square Garden, Zilla is lured into getting stuck on the Brooklyn Bridge, where the army begins to bombard it with missiles. It collapses dead soon afterward. But an egg survived the whole thing...not that that was bad for us, per se...

Powers/Abilities: Aside from asexual breeding and remarkable agility and resilience, Zilla can ignite anything with his bad breath, and is great at burrowing through the ground.

Weakness: Heavy artillery.

Scariness Factor: 4-Let's just ignore the fact that this guy is a pale imitator of one of the greatest monsters of all time and that he has a chin comparable to Jay Leno. Zilla is still a fast, self-breeding, ravenous giant monster. Sure, we the stupid military ended up destroying a lot of our own city, but he was quite good at it too. Also, those not-raptor offspring of his were a nightmare for anyone at ground level.

Trivia: -That last hatched egg was meant to set up a sequel, but instead we got a rather badass cartoon series all about Zilla's son, or as we call him, Zilla Jr. It was about the many escapades Zilla Jr. went on along with his adoptive human family as he battled a wide menagerie of strange and powerful kaiju, including a cyborg version of his own father! Also, he could fire atomic breath. It was green.

-Before this trainwreck, there were many other pitches for an American Godzilla movie. The most recognized of which was one known as "Godzilla vs. the Gryphon". It involved a much more faithful reinterpretation of Godzilla, with effects done by Stan Winston, going up against a rather grotesque beast, as well as having his origin be that of a genetic experiment from an ancient civilization to protect the Earth. Alas, this awesome premise was scrapped due to budgetary setbacks.

Image Gallery

It really doesn't. Big hint: kaiju death by military.

The spotlight is on you and it is indeed hollow.

Terrible kaiju or not, a parent's rage is never to be taken lightly.
Hellfire and determination lies in those cheaply made eyes.


It was at this moment Zilla knew...he f'ed up.
God's been drinking Mountain Dew, it seems.

Oh, look. Twilight fans at the theater.

Don't worry. Your fall from grace happened when the first trailer came.

"Call us cheap CGI again..."

And with this last scene, a true legend is born. Come into the world, Zilla Jr.!